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Devlyn chuckled. Oh, boy.
I accept your apology, okay? Lauren looked a little heartsick. But I need to say some things to you
that I don t think you re going to want to hear.
Devlyn s heart started to hammer in her chest. You don t want ?
Please, honey. Lauren pressed her fingers against Devlyn s mouth. Let me talk?
Mutely, Dev nodded.
Satisfied, Lauren said, "I love your children more than I thought possible. And that makes me consider
things that I never had the guts to really think of before. She licked her lips nervously. Judd and I talked
about having a family. We decided not to. Seeing that Devlyn wasn t going to try to interrupt, Lauren
removed her fingers from Dev s mouth.
There were lots of reasons we didn t have children. But one of the big ones was that we were both so
busy with our careers.
She could hear Devlyn s dry swallow, and so she spoke a little faster. With the way we lived our lives,
there was never enough time. I was never home. I never wanted to be home. Devlyn, we both had other
commitments that we weren t ready to give up." Lauren s gaze strayed from Devlyn s face for a split
second as she gathered her courage. Then she glanced back. I don t see that our situation is any
different right now.
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The words hit Devlyn like a ton of bricks, and she sucked in a painful breath.
I m sorry, Lauren said, her voice catching. I don t know how I ll feel in the future. But that s how I
feel right this second.
Dev s jaw worked for a moment before she spoke. And when she did, Lauren knew that she was
profoundly hurt. "I'm too busy, I know. She swallowed hard, feeling her throat closing. "But I'm not a
bad mother," she defended quietly. "I'm not."
Of course you re not! Lauren grasped Devlyn s hand and held it against her own chest. But, honey,
her eyes conveyed her regret, you re a wonderful mother who doesn't have enough time to give her
children as it is. There are only so many hours in the day. It s past mid-night now, because this was the
only quiet time we could find. Emma is a wonderful help, but that s just not enough.
Devlyn gave a quick nod. She couldn t dispute what was so plainly the truth. "I know.
Lauren scrubbed her face. "Then... I& I'm confused. I know that nobody understands how busy you
are more than you do. Her forehead creased. You just couldn t think you could be pregnant while you
were president, Devlyn? Lauren began to panic a little, knowing that Devlyn was stubborn enough to try
just that. That would be impossible! You barely sleep and if Emma didn t hound you like a demon with
a spatula, you d eat Oreos for half your meals and skip the other half. What baby could survive that?
God, I d worry about you both every single second!"
"There is the possibility of you actually having the child, you know." Dev couldn't help her wistful smile.
The mental image of a very pregnant Lauren was one that lived happily in the corner of her mind. She
knew her partner would be beautiful, as would the child. "You would be enchanting."
Lauren snorted softly. "Nice try, but I can't imagine going to bed with some stranger. Sure, he d have to
be handsome and all, but " She smiled when Devlyn nearly shot off the sofa, glad for a teensy bit of
humor during a painful conversation.
What the ?
I m just kidding, Devil. Jeeze, stop scowling like that, it s not like it would ever happen. She dragged
Devlyn back down onto the couch next to her and waited until she was settled in and her horrified look
had dissolved before speaking. Then Lauren s tone grew very serious. "Loving a child and physically
having one are two very different things. And I can tell you with 100% certainty that I don't want to give
birth, Devlyn.
The older woman s posture immediately deflated.
I'm sorry, honey. That s just not something I want for myself." Worriedly, she searched Devlyn's face,
which for once was utterly unreadable. Feeling her chest start to constrict she fought to explain herself.
"Mama s depression is genetic. What if I passed that on? I couldn t live with myself after that. And you
know how I feel about doctors and needles, and the thought of some stranger's sperm being inserted into
me with some probe or something." She shivered, her face turning a pasty white as she envisioned a
doctor, his face covered with a mask, leaning over her to& . "I "
Dev s own face suddenly paled, and she shot up from the sofa, drawing a startled yelp from Lauren. She
began to pace, and Lauren felt herself growing more and more frightened with every step.
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Why do I have a feeling this conversation is about to take a surprising turn?
Devlyn cringed and stuffed her hands into her pockets. Because it is?
Oh, Lord. Lauren s eyes widened.
Devlyn dropped down on her knees in front of Lauren and took her hands. It s not that bad, truly. She
chose her next words very carefully, already knowing that she was on thin ice. Despite her care,
however, she braced herself for what she figured would be Round Two with her spouse. "I understand
that you might not want to have children yourself, sweetheart.
Lauren let out a shaky breath. I m sorry, she whispered. I just don t. A baby would take even more
constant care than the kids do now. I wouldn t want someone else to do it, and I wouldn t be a good
stay at home mom, Devlyn. That s just not me.
You don t have to be, Devlyn replied, her voice equally low. I guess I was just hoping. She paused.
Errr& But while we re discussing sperm donors I think there s something else you should know. If we
had more children, it wouldn t have to be from an anonymous donor.
Lauren s brows knitted. How could Devlyn already have someone in mind when they hadn t even talked
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